When the crazy comes out

Some days I can take the wily antics of my sweet little boys with a smile, calm voice and firm yet effective discipline. Other days, I’d like to serve a warm glass of shut the hell up for breakfast.

That’s when the crazy comes out.

I haven’t mastered the art of harnessing the crazy. It just controls me and all of my bodily functions. It doesn’t make me wet my pants or anything that nuts. But this possessive demon does control my mouth, blood pressure and hand motions at times in which I feel like I have traveled to the bottom of low.

I don’t want to hang out with the crazy. I don’t like the crazy.

But the fact of the matter is, the crazy joins me and my family at the most inopportune times. For example: leaving the house for work/daycare; walking to the car in the IKEA parking lot in a downpour; cleaning up the house while everyone is awake. Simple daily tasks become rage-filled battles between mom and toddler(s).

Could it be that I am just a stressed out mom working full-time, dealing with the struggles of my life that is passing by faster than I can fathom? Or are those just excuses. I believe the latter would be true. I’m supposed to be in control of my emotions, destiny and other things of the sort. I can do this!

Since I can’t necessarily remove all the stresses of life in order to decrease the likelihood of the crazy coming to dinner, I decided to make a list of ways to defend my castle when it rears its ugly head.

1. Send myself to time out. I go by the “your age is your punishment” policy when it comes to time outs. So if you are 2 years old – 2 minutes! Off you go! I will promise to abide by the same rule… I turn 31 tomorrow. This will be good.

2. Walk to the kitchen, open the freezer, pull the silver stag off the top of the Jager bottle and take a short swig.

3. Cover my ears, close my eyes and sing /It’s a Beautiful Day at the top of my lungs. When I’m done, I will need to walk away since my singing will probably disrupt the natives more than necessary and the situation might take a turn for the worse. If this happens, I’ll try #1.

4. Exit the house into the back yard, and throw the balls scattered around the yard at the shed.

5. Throw down…

5. Go on vacation for a week of R&R to throw the crazy off the scent and hope that it will still be out searching for me when I get home. It’ll buy me some time at least.

They aren’t all good ideas, but it’s a start. I’m making an effort.

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Aside from being quite entertaining and generally fun to read out loud, I also find Dr. Seuss to be quite intelligent and motivational. The book entitled Oh, the Places You’ll Go! is one that is very popular as a graduation gift. I’m sure I read it when I received my copy after college graduation from my boss and mentor, but I doubt I believed it at the time. It’s all sunshine and lollipops after you graduate college. Why listen to the kooky kids book author about the realities of life?

If you haven’t heard of or haven’t read this book before, here’s the official Library of Congress Catalogin-in-Publication Data Summary: Advice in rhyme for proceeding in life; weathering fear, loneliness, and confusion; and being in charge of your actions. What is this guy doing writing kid’s books?? Well I figured it out…

Two copies of this book have sat on our bookshelf since we moved to Florida almost 8 years ago. At some point Parker (3 years) unearthed it and wanted to read it at bed time. Why not? It is a child’s book after all. Well, being 30 and a parent and all that… now I get it. He’s writing to parent’s of young children who are losing their minds… smart man, you’ve moved to the top of my bedtime book preferred list!

After about eight pages of telling the reader how amazing and near-perfect they are… You’re great, life’s great, you’ll move mountains…yadda yadda yadda… he comes in with the good part…

“Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
the Bang-ups
and Hang ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…”

The description of The Waiting Place goes on for a few more pages until you surface and get your shit together. Then of course you hit rock bottom again and have to climb up up up again, and on and on it goes for 44 pages!

Everyone goes through these peaks and valleys in life and I’m beginning to realize it’s no matter what you have, what you do, or what you’ve accomplished. The grass is always greener in your neighbor’s yard! I saw a quote on Facebook this morning (I hate these by the way, so if you post them, please refrain, otherwise I WILL hide you from my newsfeed) which I happened to like…

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel (ahem… Facebook).” ~Steve Fertick

We’re all just as normal, extraordinary, and messed up as the next guy! As long as the grass is greener on the other side of The Waiting Place then I’m willing to wait there for awhile. And it will be…