Serenity Interrupted

I was feeling serene aboard a giant 737 with my eyes closed, safely belted in, loud whir of the airplane in my ears, until I was so rudely brought back to reality by the hundreds of passengers around me. Why are people so irritating on a plane?

Really though, only a stressed out work-at-home mom could find serenity on an airplane anyways. The last time I traveled via air I had my squirmy little toddlers with me and serenity was no where in sight for me or anyone in a 10 seat radius.

Since I’ve been to that place where no parent wants to go, I was able to at least appreciate the mom and dad with their 6-month old who spent about half of the flight making a noise that sounded like a wolf howling while mating with an enraged bear.  The other half of the flight were happy gurgles and giggles in between bouts of snotty snores.

The rest of the passengers were supremely agitated by the wolf/bear because she was clearly interrupting their mouth-wide-open naps and scalp scratching.  Don’t these people know that they sleep with their mouth open?  I do and I’m so embarrassed when I awake from accidentally drifting off into dry mouth land.

And doesn’t Mr. Head Scratch know that he’s taller than the seat back and everyone is witnessing his flakes?  So gross, I know.

I firmly believe that I am a conscious airplane traveler. I am one who keeps my elbows inside of the shared elbow rests, holds my bladder for hours when I have the window seat, doesn’t let a single spec of gas pass through any orifice, and reads in silence even when I get to a LOL moment.

Some people just have bad form.  I would be so embarrassed to be the cougar next to me reading 50 Shades of Gray. Everyone around her can read the book jacket and will spend the remainder of the flight imagining her imagination.  And all of the men are planning their trip back up the jet way, just waiting for the perfect moment to ask her if she’d like to share a martusi with them at the ETA Lounge.

Why can’t everyone on board just sit still and relax?  If one person is going to recline their seat, shouldn’t all seats lettered C agree on this invasion of space. Ready?  On the count of three, all seat Cs recline. It’s like sitting at a red light. If everyone hits the gas at the moment the light turns green then no one needs to wait, no one gets hit and overall a much more efficient way to drive around town.

I know. Idealistic.

Airplane travel should be simple though. It’s all just a matter of listening and following instructions. Why does the adult human race revert to the toddler stage in life where you actively ignore people all day long just because a god-like voice is talking to you over a PA system? 1 personal item and 1 carryon suitcase means 2 items TOTAL. Not a carryon, a purse, a laptop bag, a shopping bag from the Rainforest Cafe and a bubble goose down jacket!

Maybe the real solution here is to buy myself a nice pair of noise canceling headphones so I can get back to my serenity.

One thought on “Serenity Interrupted

  1. In the past few weeks I too have experienced the Orchestration of stupidity on airplanes watching with my comedic expression while people are boarding and hearing loud and clear over and over to place your roller bag with the wheels out to fit. But watch every person place bags in backwards and realize it does not fit so they turn it sideways taking up all the space like they are the only ones flying or sitting somewhat sideways because the rude person next to me is sleeping and hanging over the armrest in my airspace or the crinkle of news paper trying to be read in a small confined space to almost get paper cut while they turn the page and try to fold it in some sort of origami readable shape. However, for some of us more seasoned travelers we take into consideration some common sense and go to the rest room prior to boarding. we take out our tablets or books and headphones before we board the plane so we do not stand in the isles shuffling through our bag to get all our “flight stuff” causing everyone to stand and wait. We are gracious to others and make eye contact to say hello neighbor. Unfortunately we too have limits and get the greasy unhappy smoke smelling sad person next to us and we keep our headphones on to make believe we are actually listing to something. “The serenity”

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