10 Signs You are Ready to Birth a Child (not the disgusting ones)

shutterstock_101956498-700x466Most people that know me would agree that I am sort of a warrior when it comes to being pregnant. I handle it quite well, with energy, power and grace! But even the warrior succumbs to the misery that unfolds in the final two weeks of pregnancy. Here’s what that looks like…

1. The underside of your belly is scratched up from the stubble on your thighs

2. You catch your 5-year old signing to himself “Mommy has the biggest belly in the whole wide world”

3. Every stranger, acquaintance and check out clerk refers to you as being “ready to pop” as if you were housing the unborn in a balloon or bubble as opposed to an internal organ

4. You sob uncontrollably when the few remaining items in your wardrobe that still “fit” are dyed fuchsia in the laundry from your running shorts that you can’t even run in!

5. A friend becomes fascinated with coming up with an invention to “hold that thing up”

6. Your body pillow doesn’t love you back anymore

7. You sit like a man every chance you get to perch your bowling ball on the chair or couch you are sitting on to avoid the pools of sweat that will otherwise form in your lap

8. Having sex actually sounds like a good idea

9. If one twig falls out of place in your carefully prepared nest, you go into a full on rage

10. Going grocery shopping leaves you curled up on the couch praying to God that dinner will make itself

One thought on “10 Signs You are Ready to Birth a Child (not the disgusting ones)

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